The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?