When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.

The chances of someone who looks like Jesus having pot raises steadily, to a point. If the guy is on a cross you may have the wrong guy.

Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.

I just found out that I have more allies than America!

A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.

A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.