When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.

I have fun acting, and I want to do more of it, and I want to direct my own movie.

I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

To make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.

To me, comedy is a game.

I always wanted to do a movie, because I love the movies. They give you a chance to have an intimacy with your audience that is different from stand up. With movies, you can bring the audience in with a close up, and emote in a different way.

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.