When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.
Demetri MartinI think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.
Demetri MartinTo make even fewer friends try talking about politics as much as you talk about yourself.
Demetri Martin