The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

Surprise parties are strange 'cause people jump up and they yell the word, 'surprise' at the party. I came home and you emerged from my furniture. You don't have to tell me how to feel. I don't need a hint.

I saw a sign that said, 'Watch for children.' I was like, 'That sounds like a fair trade - especially if they're crappy kids.'

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.

Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.

Separate but equal is terrible for education but it's perfect for eyebrows.

I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.