I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

I went whale watching once. It was very similar to watching people on a boat become disappointed.

I want to commit a crime during a reenactment, and turn it into an enactment.

A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.

You can make a very heavy and kind of dangerous 3-way shot glass out of a bowling ball.

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'