I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"

I saw a door that said exit only. So I entered through it and went up to the guy working there and said "I have good news. You have severely underestimated that door over there. By like a hundred percent."

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.

Once I started to look i finally began to see.