I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?

Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?

And as far as actors go, Peter Sellers is my all-time favorite.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.