Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

I have never been in a bad mood and near a beach ball at the same time. Causation? Correlation? Or fate?

I bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".

Rock is fine. No structural damage to rock. Rock can break through paper at any point. Just say the word. Paper sucks.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

I wish my name started with a comma. That would be so dramatic.

Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.