If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.
Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.
I have an air mattress. It's great because if someone tries to suffocate me in bed I can just poke a hole in it and use it to stay alive.
I'm always excited to try something I haven't done.
A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.
I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.