Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.

Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.

It is illegal to yell “fire” in a crowded theater. If there is a fire, please yell something else instead, like “Flames!” or “Smoke maker!” or “Bad hot!

I believe in empathy. When religion provides that for people, it's the best thing in the world.