Villains fear me because I am unpredictable and broccoli. See what I mean?

It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.

It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.

When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.