Suicide is the #1 killer of a person who is in a boat and happens to be passing under a bridge at the wrong time.
Demetri MartinLaborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.
Demetri MartinStand-up is like a row boat: it's fun and romantic when you're choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat it's not as enjoyable; that's survival.
Demetri MartinIt's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the dog's owner - and the distance you are from your car.
Demetri Martin