I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.

Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill.

I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.

I've learned something on the road, traveling around: state shapes. The easier it is to draw the shape of the state, the harder it is to live in that state. So, if you live in a regular polygon, get the hell outta there. You gotta move to a squiggly area. Culture's attracted to squiggles.

The other night I was playing twister with some amputees.

Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

A lifevest protects you from drowning and a bulletproof vest protects you from getting shot, and a sweater vest protects you from pretty girls.