It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.

One thing you never hear is "Man that guy is good at badminton".

I think cats would have an even worse attitude if they found out how stupid their names were.

If you have a lair then you are probably not a good person.

When I stub my toe it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know.

Palindromes are the number one conversation stopper, like party killer, I think I've ever seen.

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.