I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed

I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

Laborers want their kids to be merchants or business people. Business people want their kids to be professionals. Professionals want their kids to be academics, professors. Academics want their kids to be artists. And artists don't care if their kids are laborers or not. They can be anything.

At any minute, I am four minutes from a poncho.

A know-it-all is a person who knows everything except for how annoying he is.

It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.