I go the gym and I try to run on the treadmill and I listen to music but it doesn't motivate me enough. So I'm going to get a recording of a pack of wolves gaining on me. People would be like, 'Why is that guy crying on that treadmill over there?' 'I don't know, but he's been yelling, 'help' for like 20 minutes. He's getting a good workout.

Relationships, like eyebrows, are better when there is space between them.

I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it.

My friend named his car. And I don't want to be judgemental, but... what a dork.

In retrospect, everything is finite, but prospectively, there are infinite possibilities. I guess that's what makes life hopeful.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.