There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

I do come across people who don't like me, don't like my comedy, don't think it's funny, it's too cutesy, or whatever they hate. And it's like, "Okay. That's your opinion. Somebody liked it, so that's good." Hopefully it balances out.

There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.

There is also a beast, a beast of strange dimensions. He has the head of a horse and the body of a man who needs a lot of attention. He represents me in college: I was a dork-ataur.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.

I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. "Keep sleeping." All right, perfect.'