I equals all of the ifs added up over time. The ifs, those are the possibilities; that's infinite for all of us. Every day there are just millions of them. Time, that's finite for each of us; there is no question there. Maybe if you divide choices by the amount of time you have, the real I can emerge, depending upon those choices.

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).

Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, 'I apologize.' Except at a funeral.

We do not allow dwarf tossing. If you toss a dwarf, the dwarf will be tossed right back at you, but faster.

The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.