I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

I always wanted to do a movie, because I love the movies. They give you a chance to have an intimacy with your audience that is different from stand up. With movies, you can bring the audience in with a close up, and emote in a different way.

Never forget where you came from. That's what I think when I walk into a cave.

Knights would have probably liked refrigerator magnets.

I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.