Your mind is like a sponge, in the sense that it would come in handy when cleaning off a countertop or something like that.

If you remove a treehouse from a tree, than it's just a shitty house. Sometimes when i'm in a shitty house, I like to imagine that it's in a tree, than it's like Woah, this house is amazing.

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

I was in my friends garage, and he had; a kite, a yo-yo, and a boomerang. I was like "Dude, you have abandonment issues"

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.

A lot of things look cooler in slow motion. Eating isn't one of them.