I started being a comedy fan when I was, I'm going to guess, like 5 or 6 years old.

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

I got myself a really nice nib pen, with like 15 kinds of India Ink, and tons of different nibs; I think I was just procrastinating, like, once I have the right nib, the book is just going to jump right out of my fingertips... but then it just ended up looking like the shitty drawings that I usually do.

Love is, and I hope it never isn't.

Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.

You always hear about the guy who was raised by wolves. You never hear about the guy who was raised by the guy who was raised by wolves. The problem is, you have a non-wolf imparting wolf teachings.

It would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.