One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'

There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.

There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

It would be interesting if Elvis were reincarnated as an Elvis impersonator.

I call it 'new forms'. When you're starting out, they ask you to do four or five minute sets, but once you're a headliner, you do like 90 minutes. I try to think of different things to divvy up the show, like doing drawings, playing music... I gotta carry the show, that's the problem.

A good name for a gang would be The Uneducated Idiot Tough Guys.