One time I saw an old man in a hurry and I thought, 'That makes sense.'

Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

There are jokes I know I want to tell, and there's sort of a rough order, but usually I try to change it up every show, to improvise and talk with the audience. I think when you tell jokes, if you're not careful, you can end up telling the whole list of jokes and then that's it. And that can get a little boring.

I just started doing this one-man show, and I wanted to be able to score it, so I bought a guitar, and got a keyboard and got a harmonica. I remember when I started that I didn't understand why a harmonica had different letters on them.

It turns out dentists don't like it very much when you show up for a cleaning in full vampire gear.

Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?

A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet.