I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable.

The boomerang is Australia's chief export (and then import).