A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.

I was student council president in high school, and even in law school, I was vice-president of the student bar association.

I always wanted to do a movie, because I love the movies. They give you a chance to have an intimacy with your audience that is different from stand up. With movies, you can bring the audience in with a close up, and emote in a different way.

I never set out to do a sketch show.

You are ten times more likely to get hit by a car when the driver is aiming for you.

If you stretched the average person's intestines out from end to end, it would make them scream a lot.