A pipe is greater than a bong. Because when you're smoking a pipe at least it makes you look like you're thinking about something.

It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive.

I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.

You need an audience to help you figure out what's working and what's worth putting on your album or your special - or even just what's worth touring with.

Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.