I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly-swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.

I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.

They should call fishing what it really is... tricking and killing!

I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

There is no I in Team, unless you count the vertical part of the T.

When a Dalmatian sees a cow he must be like, 'What the hell happened to him? I am high right now. That dalmatian is fat and smeary.' When the cow sees the Dalmatian he must be like, 'He looks amazing. I am so out of shape, this is ridiculous. My tits are on the ground here.