Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.

I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.

I was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.

My friend asked me I ever swam with dolphins. I was like, 'Yeah, of course. What distance are we talking about from the dolphins? Because the last time I was in the ocean, I'm pretty sure I swam with most of them.'

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.

I think bears and worms aren't very similar... until you think of gummy.

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.