I can tell how lonely I am by how easily I'm fooled by a mannequin in a store.

I think they named the orange before the carrot.

It's interesting to be an adult and to have that level of ignorance about something, because the nice part about is you get that discovery. The learning curve is so rich and steep.

I like birthdays. Every time someone is born, that's just like bringing more cake into the world.

As a comic, I think I'm very verbally oriented about a lot of the stuff that I've written or thought up and how I say it.

When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.

When telling a story about how wasted you were last night, stop.