I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.

I love Steven Wright.

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

My friend has hand soap that smells like coconut. It's nice. Unless your hands are dirty from coconuts.

I was watching MTV and there were girls dancing in suspended cages. That would be an ambivalent situation: "I'm trapped! ...but enjoying the music".

Having a beard is a good way to make your face more susceptible to velcro.

It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.