When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding.
Demetri MartinIt would be nice if people said, God bless you not just when you sneezed but also when you farted.
Demetri MartinWhen I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.
Demetri MartinYes, okay, it's cool to be quirky, maybe, on the side. Do some puzzles, make puzzles, whatever, learn how to ride a unicycle. That's cool when it's on the side and you have a plan. What happens when you remove the plan? What you're left with is a guy who likes to do anagrams. And doesn't have a job... Sweet, that's a catch.
Demetri Martin