I need to develop some patience - immediately.

I don't want to be my own boss. I want to be my own colleague.

Timing is everything. That's a cliche. Now. If I'd said that a long time ago, I'd have been original.

There's a very fine line between giving someone the Heimlich maneuver and dry-humping a stranger.

A large portion of the Earth's land area is taken up by old varsity jackets.

A refrigerator is the opposite of a drug addict, because a refrigerator starts in a box and then moves to a house.

When I trip, I feel like that's the world saying come here for a second. It just pulls me closer for a second, yeah what do you want? I just want to remind you that you're uncoordinated. I'm aware of that, thank you... can I go now? Yeah, you can go, but never ever try to outrun me. Ok, world, see you later. Yeah, I'll see you in about 50 years.