I need to develop some patience - immediately.

If you want to dry hump someone you don't know, just act like they were choking.

I think statues are great; they show what great people would look like if a bird sh*t all over them.

I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.

People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.

I learned this summer that peeing in the pool and peeing INTO the pool are very different things. Location, Location, Location.

I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.