I think it would be worse to get mauled by a dancing bear than just a regular bear because you can't totally blame the dancing bear.

I wanna design a video game where you'd have to take care of all the people shot in all the other video games.

I'm not a lawmaker, but I was thinking that if you have a really loud ring tone, maybe you should be stabbed in the ear?

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.

I was seeing this girl and she wanted to get more serious. But I wasn't ready to, I had just gotten out of a difficult relationship before that. So I said to her, 'Listen, you have to understand something. Relationships are like eyebrows. It's better when there's a space between them.' And that's coming from a Greek guy.

I didn't play music, nobody in my family had an instrument or played music, we didn't even have any books at my house. I think about it and I'm like, I don't know how I climbed out of there.

Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.