My friend says touche way too much. He's a touche bag.
Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.
THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.
I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.
It is impossible for a cyclops to wink.
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something.