I think it would be frustrating to be a match maker. "What do you do?" "I'm a match maker" "Aw, that's really romantic" "No, umm... I actually... never mind"

A straw enables you to drink without using your wrist. A straw is your friend - until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then it will betray you and make you look like an idiot.

I'm a body builder, but I don't use weights. I use snacks. It's kind of a different building process.

A car alarm is a way for a car to tell everyone that its owner is an asshole.

The problem with most people, is that they are most people.

I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

I just listen to so much music that I like the role music can play in scoring something. I'm not doing song parodies or funny songs, I'm just adding some music to my words. So it's limited and specific, but as a performer I find it pretty enjoyable.