Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.

'Sort of' is such a harmless thing to say... sort of. It's just a filler. Sort of... it doesn't really mean anything. But after certain things, sort of means everything. Like... after "I love you"... or "You're going to live."

Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.

I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television.

If you really think about it, hitting the snooze button in the morning doesn't even make sense. It's like saying, 'I hate getting up in the morning-so I do it over... and over... and over again.'

Siamese twins are interesting because they are the only people who can write a biography and an autobiography at the same time.

I love having an open seat next to me on the train. What's even better is when my seat is open too because I just stayed home.