Leave no stone unturned in your quest to disrupt a rock garden.

I love motor learning because it's very basic and primal. A lot of what I like to learn correlates with the opposite of what gets you laid. I can ride a unicycle and I can juggle. These are unimpressive things to know.

THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the police sketch artist. This is one of the rare instances where two people can do one self-portrait.

When someone shows you a picture of their kids what they don't want to hear is Oh, yeah, I got pictures of your kid too.

Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.

Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.

I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front of me.