If someone throws a pie at your face, just open your mouth really wide and say, 'Thanks for feeding me, a**hole.'
People only mention it's a free country if they're doing something shitty.
'Dammit I'm mad' is 'Dammit I'm mad' spelled backwards.
When I am holding a water balloon, so many things look so unnecessarily dry.
I like when people wear a WWJD bracelet, because it's like an example of the first thing Jesus wouldn't do, probably.
Batteries are the most dramatic object. Other things stop working or they break, But Batteries... They Die.