Brought to you by raising your voice. The next best thing to being right.

For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.

Our Times, a Brief History: As televisions became flatter, People became rounder.

I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.

I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass.

I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and a woman's voice said, 'What the hell are you doing with your life?'

I like to stand near ATM machines, and when somebody types in their pin number, I go, 'Got it!' And then I run away.