I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.

I wish I lived next to Carnegie Hall. Then, if someone asked me how to get to my house, I would just say 'Practice, practice, practice, and then take a left.'

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.

When I look up at the clouds I see so many animals, mostly sheep who have lost their limbs and heads.