I am sometimes referred to as Excuse Me in an annoyed tone of voice, because apparently I am in the way. I am so sorry. I am supposed to be some sort of mind reader, I guess. I am moving out of the way now as slowly as I possibly can. I am doing this and there's nothing you can do about it.

I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.'

I like people, for a little while.

It is interesting that the black BMW is the preferred car of so many assholes.

I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.

I've met a few people who were passive-aggressive, but I've never met anyone who was aggressive-passive. I don't want tacos! Maybe.

There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else's house.