I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.

Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so sometimes I do those things along with the jokes.

If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.

Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

I remember when I used to be really into nostalgia.

The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.

A parade looks like a bunch of people are excited about being in traffic.