Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.

I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

Everybody knew that you should never provoke a rattlesnake, much less tie it into a bow. But that didn't stop Judd. What did stop him was the rattlesnake.

If you want to make a mythical creature, just take a regular animal and add wings to it. A horse becomes a pegasus, a lion becomes a griffin, and a hawk... becomes a double hawk.

Multi-Choice question: My dishwasher is: efficient; hilarious.