Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

Whenever I throw caution to the wind I make sure I'm facing the right way so that it doesn't blow back and hit me in my face.

When I am given a multiple choice test I choose not to take it.

Reality is a concept that depends largely upon where you point your face.

Yes" actually means "No" 100% of the time, when the question is "Can I give you some advice?

I think there's a difference between making comedy and reporting comedy. When you're a joke teller you can easily fall into the second, you can show up and just say the jokes.

Parades are man's attempt to make traffic exciting.