Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

I think a lot of people who watch TV don't realize when they're watch TV shows and it says 'produced by' and producer, producer... there are all these producers. What the hell does a producer do? It's funny how much you have to worry about as a producer.

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.

In America, one sure sign of success is the presence of an unnecessary waterfall in a person's yard.

Wind chimes are also earthquake chimes.

It's not enough to say I'm sorry. You have to also mean it. It's the same with saying I'm single.

I didn't do improv in college, I never performed, I didn't do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major.