A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

It's Thursday and it really feels like a Thursday. Sometimes things just work out.

You know what's the greatest part of anything ever in the history of everything? Exaggeration. No, wait; it's correcting yourself. No, better yet, it's making lists.

When I dropped out [from a law school], everybody was disappointed... But I found that disappointing people is a good thing, because disapproval is freedom. Before that, I never realized how much I sought other people's approval. Once I figured that out, I was free to move on and seek the approval of other people, in comedy clubs and showbiz meetings.

A jerk on a motorcycle is equal to a leaf, because I find it beautiful when these things fall.

The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience.