I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.
Demetri MartinSometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room... can even bring things to a climax.
Demetri MartinI bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".
Demetri Martin