I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'

Use crazy glue and nails to turn a rocking chair into just a chair that looks like a rocking chair.

The lord works in mysterious ways. Indeed. And a shorter way to say that is: God is a sneak.

Futon World - a wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time.

But long story short, I didn't start doing stand-up because I wanted to have a TV show or be an actor or even wanted to write sketch comedy. I got into stand-up because I love stand-up.

I am what I eat. And I am this especially when I bite my nails.

Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.