I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.'

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

Let no man's deathbed be a futon.

When I was in high school I experimented sexually. The experiment was to never have sex with anybody no matter how hard I tried. Success! Hypothesis confirmed.

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.

A human head looks the least scary when it is attached.

Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.