I think the most annoying language is a tie between all the ones I don't know how to speak.

There is probably more invisible tape out there than we realize.

A glove is a very literal looking hand puppet.

Count your blessings, but not out-loud, at the top of your lungs.

The shortest distance between two idiots is a conga line.

I set a personal record on Christmas. I got my shopping done three weeks ahead of time. I had all the presents back at my apartment, I was halfway through wrapping them, and I realized, 'Damn, I used the wrong wrapping paper.' The paper I used said, 'Happy Birthday.' I didn't want to waste it, so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.