I like birthdays because we celebrate life with cakes. It's so cool. Sometimes when I see a baby, I'm like that much more cake in the world. But then when someone dies, I'm like the cake streak is over.

A couple weeks ago I was on the street and I saw an ugly pregnant lady, and I just thought, 'Good for you.'

If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.

Conclusions are based in time. We live in time. So any definition of success is bound up with time. With other things you can say, "Can I yo-yo? Can I juggle?" Usually you have a pretty small window in which to get your answer. Stand-up is different. You can't do stand-up for one night and say, "Am I a funny stand-up comedian?" In two months or two years you'll start to realize it.

My original goal was just to do stand-up but then I became interested in films - writing a film, shooting one someday, and getting to act in them.

You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.