I wonder if there were any goths in gothic times. They're like: You look completely appropriate. You don't look stupid or lonely at all.

If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.

Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.

When I was in high school I experimented sexually. The experiment was to never have sex with anybody no matter how hard I tried. Success! Hypothesis confirmed.

I am a ceiling fan, especially during rain.

Have a great day. Note: does not apply to my enemies.

Halloween's my favorite holiday because you don't have to spend it with your family.