Right now someone out there is struggling and starting to panic because they can't get out of a tempurpedic bed.

You get really disillusioned, because you thought you were in love. But you realize that you're just alone.

I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

I wasn't the class clown, but I was starting to become the "crazy guy" at law school, which is the guy who is not so much "crazy" as "annoying."

They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.

I am bravery. I am courage. I am valor. I am daring. I am holding a thesaurus.

Dogs seem more photogenic than cats. In photos most cats look like sociopaths.