Bowling would be more interesting if it were slightly uphill.

I love Steven Wright.

I have a time machine at home. It only goes forward at regular speed

99.99% of all castles in America are located in fish tanks.

I would like to have windshield wipers that do the whole windshield, please.

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.

A cool tattoo design is any drawing that would also look good saggy.