I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.
Demetri MartinI bought a dictionary. First thing I did was, I looked up the word "dictionary", and it said "you're an asshole".
Demetri MartinI was on the train the other day, and I heard somebody say, I'm really good at checkers. That's the same thing as saying, I'm not good at very many things.
Demetri MartinREGARDING THE MARCHING BAND: How much more interesting it would be to see a creeping band.
Demetri MartinIt's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.
Demetri Martin