If you are wearing a bandana you better have something wise to say, because you are starting with a credibility deficit.

I like birthdays. Every time someone is born, that's just like bringing more cake into the world.

And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.

I want to launch a globe into space just to mess with the astronauts.

If you really think about it, hitting the snooze button in the morning doesn't even make sense. It's like saying, 'I hate getting up in the morning-so I do it over... and over... and over again.'

As a creative person, you want to have a foothold and sense of progress.

Everything I ever learned I was told by someone else.