I am the Walrus, but not the one you're probably thinking of. I am the other Walrus, the one who is less the Walrus in the sense of legendary music and more the Walrus in the sense of his tendency to to lie around in places for too long.

Why are there not positive mysteries? It's always who stole the diamond, or who killed the butler? How about... who made cookies, somebody cleaned my room.

I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.

What I've learned about my self over the years is that I'm pretty restless. If I multitask it's probably because I have difficulty just focusing on one thing.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.

Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.