Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

Everything I ever learned I was told by someone else.

I like digital cameras, because they enable you to reminisce immediately.

I am a man. And I am former baby and a future skeleton, and I am a distant future pile of dust.

To some I am known as Chief. And these are usually people who work in Radio Shack or try to sell me shoes. To others I am known as Buddy. These are people who dwell in bars and wonder if I’ve got a problem or what it is that I am “looking at.” And to still others, who are in that same bar, standing just off to the side, I am “Get Him!"

Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.

To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.