The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast.

Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.

The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

I've heard of many chocoholics, but I ain't never seen no "chocohol". We got an epidemic, people: people who like chocolate but don't understand word endings. They're probably "over-workaholled".