Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'.

I'm afraid of sharks - but only in a water situation.

Americans who do not celebrate Independence Day: pets.

I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

If I make my window ten days for stand-up, the conclusion is that I failed and that I'm not good at stand-up. If I make it ten years - if I just wait - the conclusion might be something totally different. I think it's so cool to do things in which you discover the malleability of your own mind.