Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down.

I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.

I'm so secretive that when someone asks me, Hey, can you keep a secret? I say That's none of your business.

It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.

There's an old Russian saying that goes some way or another. I don't know it. I don't speak Russian. But sometimes I think about it and wonder if it's relevant to what I'm going through at the time. Probably not. I mean what do Russian know about hunger, anyway?

My mind says one thing, but my body says another. Thanks a lot, Indian food and beer.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'