I saw a dog wearing a sweater and I thought that looked ridiculous 'cause dogs don't have arms. If you're going to put clothes on the dog, you should put two pairs of pants on it.

For me, possibility, progress, growth, those things are very.. they feel very good. It doesn't usually come with negativity. I don't really mind sucking at something as long as I'm getting a little bit better at it along the way.

I love bowling almost as much as I love not bowling.

I care about politics, but I have a tough time making comedy out of it. I was so happy to have a chance to be on The Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart's so funny... but mostly in my own comedy, I care about less relevant things.

Fire truck with back end on fire drives really fast in circles.

If you have a lip ring try hanging some tiny keys from it. This will make you look even more interesting.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.