The plastic knife is perfect for when a person just wants to make some marks on his food and get insanely frustrated at the same time.

My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.

I wanna put stickers on turtles... I don't know why.

Canoe plus waterfall equals I don't go camping anymore.

I wonder if it's rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.

I used to get bummed out when it rained; then I realized that it's God's way of washing off hippies.

To remove blood stains from your conscience try frozen margaritas.