I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up.

100% of the people who give 110% do not understand math.

Love is, and I hope it never isn't.

It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible.

When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.

Sometimes I like to go outside without even checking the weather first.

Automatic paper towel dispensers are a solution to something that was never a problem in the first place.