I can always tell how stupid someone is by how certain they are about what they're saying.
There is a small, but important, difference between peeing in the pool, and peeing into the pool.
To me, comedy is a game.
It's hard to know what's gay in life. Boxing. That's two men fighting over a belt.
The best way to make somebody feel important is to try to assassinate them.
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale.