And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money.

After going through years of litigation to get royalties due to him, the guy who coined the term 'happily ever after' lived reasonably well for a while.

To get strangers to hate you even faster, crank up the volume on that very interesting ringtone of yours.

There is probably more invisible tape out there than we realize.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.

I like people, for a little while.

I am a comedian but it's usually not a compliment to be called a prop comedian but I guess I sometimes use props. And I always confuse humorist with comedian. That's strange.